Ok. I officially have life envy. Big time.
Yesterday Rich and I left the beautiful shores of Sarasota and drove over the Sunshine Skyway to visit one of my dad's oldest friends in St Petersburg. His name is Bob and he lives the kind of life one dreams of living if you weren't too neurotic and self-conscious to do so.
He owns a chain of comedy clubs around the area - one of which is part of a 5-five beach resort. So, as I'm an underground English comedian over here to try and see if my jokes are funny (wink wink nudge nudge), Rich and I have been given a free room ready for my big 'debut'. It's a beautiful hotel but we haven't really had time to appreciate it as its been a whirlwind since we got here.
We rocked up to Bob's house at noon yesterday. He lives in an area that is actually called 'Treasure Island' and his house really fits the bill. It's made entirely from wood and is on a giant pair of stilts (?). The interior is kitted out as if a teenager had run amok with his parent's credit card. The television is about the size of a small swimming pool, there's a hot tub on the deck overlooking the bay, and photos of famous musicians are up all over the place. That's another thing about Bob. He knows just about everybody. I've been introduced to so many people they all fall into a blur. Last night for instance I met the best friend of the lady who's married to the lead singer of ACDC - much to my great excitement. And Bob's son, Adam, is an aspiring musician who's just had his record produced by the drummer of Nancy Grittith's band. Mental.
Anyway, name dropping aside, he's a great guy. Within less than an hour of turning up he had taken us to his favourite bar 'Ricky T's' which is right on the beach. The place is incredible. You can sit up at the bar and order a drink with the sun beating down on your neck. There's live music every night. And everybody knows everybody. It's like Central Perk but with alcohol. Rich and I were considered such great attractions that the band stopped playing and introduced us to everybody on their microphone. And we had shots bought for us by some man who was just celebrating retiring after 25 years in the navy.
About halfway through our first visit, Bob turns to us:
Bob: There's a major league baseball game on tonight if you fancy it?
Me: Oh my god. Yes. That would be amazing (little bit of wee comes out with excitement).
Bob: I don't have tickets.
Me: (face falls) Oh.
Bob: It's OK. We'll find some cheap ones off somebody and then when nobodies looking we'll sneak into the hundred dollar seats.
Me: Err.....OK.
But he came through. After a quick check-in at the hotel we arrived back at Ricky T's where I was presented with a Tampa Rays hat and tickets. They were playing the Boston Red Sox which Rich described to me as 'The Man United of Baseball'. I think that means Boston are pretty good.
The arena was insane. Because the heat is so intense its fully enclosed, and is apparently the only indoor baseball stadium in this area of the country. Bob gave us a tour and, according to Rich who knows about these things, its completely and utterly different from English stadiums. We were taken to see the 'Tampa Rays' - not the actual players - but a tank full of sting rays who support the team and if anyone hits a home-run it falls into their tank. There was also a restaurant with ceiling-to-floor glass windows so you can watch the game as you gorge yourself on hamburger and fries. There's a party deck which is basically just a balcony full of drunk young people drinking neon-alcholic beverages out of over sized plastic cups whilst they watch the game and start fights on each other. But the best part was the cigar bar. Where you pay to get into the stadium, and then you walk to a dank little room full of cigar smoke and leather chairs with televisions all over the place. So you can watch the game as you smoke a cigar. God knows why you can't just do that in the comfort of your own home for free - but hey.
Anyway we started watching the game, which supringly made sense after a while. Rich refused to talk to me after I asked him if "so it's just those three men looking after that entire patch of lawn?" - but luckily Bob was more patient. It turns out though, that not a lot of actually watching the game happens when you're at a baseball match. Everyone is up and about, buying hotdogs and nachos and beer, changing seats, playing in the arcade downstairs, feeding the stingrays (?) etc. We only sat in our real seats for about the first two innings before, true to his word, Bob found us seats really near the front. Unfortunately, after about three hours, the Tampa Rays, lost - but to be honest I didn't really care. What was funny was they didn't segregate the two sets of supporters so Boston fans were sitting with Tampa fans. The best part was hearing the insults hurled at each other across the seats.
So that was my first experience of a major league baseball game. And I think I found a sport I actually like.
We ended up going back to Ricky T's for a few more drinks where I was introduced to some of Bob's stand up comedians and musician friends. The only bad part was people's reactions when we told them what our plans are for the trip. When Bob told them we were driving all the way to San Francisco, the stock answer was 'Oh my God. Really?'. Which doesn't fill me with encouragement. We got a lot of good advice though - and most of it has led us to believe we need to completely re-think our route. We had planned to stop at El Paso but have been told its 'the homicide capital of the USA' and told not to go anywhere near it. Nobody had anything pleasant to say about Texas either so we're thinking of bombing through that and maybe spending more time in Arizona and California. Rich and I have spent most of today pouring over our road atlas and our copy of the Lonely Planet trying to re-jig our mileage. It's been holiday time here in Florida - and we still have about six days left - but once we leave Tallahasse we're very much on our own with no friendly American acquaintances to help us out. So I better get back to it.
We're off to see some of Adam's friends play tonight on the beach which should be awesome. Oh my god - my first written awesome!!! Then we're off at the crack of dawn tomorrow to hit Orlando spending two days doing theme parks. Our motel there only costs about £30 a night and tripadvisor people have warned us there will be cockroaches so I doubt they'll be internet access there for me to bore you with any further witterings.
So I'm off now a few days. But love to you all. I hear that English weather is behaving itself so I hope you're all bulk-buying barbecues and infesting every available green space in the vicinity to sunburn yourselves. Just remember - your bottom can burn!
Holly xxx
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