Trouble in Taos. Yeah, you could put it that way.
It's a pity really because I really love this place.
Yesterday we drove another fantastic road further up into the mountains so we could spend two nights in Taos. Famous for its breathtaking Muesli-advert-style mountain backdrop and perilous skiing routes. The place is everything we wanted Santa Fe to be but wasn't.
However, when it came to accommodation, we decided to take a gamble. Gasp. Instead of spending two nights in a nice normal motel like nice normal people do - we booked ourselves into an Earthship....
What in the name of Baby-Jesus is an Earthship I hear you ask? Well, I'll try my best to explain which will be difficult because I didn't read the welcome manual.
Close your eyes and picture the Tellytubby house. Then blend it with a spaceship and position it in the absolute middle of nowheresville. An Earthship is a totally off-the-grid style home that has a carbon footprint of absolute zilch. It's a completely self-sustaining property made entirely of recycled materials. The architecture is a little Gaudi-inspired which is impressive considering the entire place is made of bottletops, recycled Coke cans, and dirt. Water is collected from the roof and used four times for maximum usage and electricity is powered by giant solar panels that adorn the roof of the structure. As if that's not quite weird enough - there's an indoor jungle which forms part of your home complete with parrots and exotic plants. Oh Yeah. And the toilet is in this jungle so you basically pee outside.
I'm not sure why we decided to stay here. I would love to say its because we're conscious of our carbon footprint after flying to the USA, burning through it at 90 mph, then flying back again....But really it's just because we thought it would be fun.
And it is fun. Well it was.
The place is amazing. It's cheaper than a standard motel but it's like staying in a 5-star-resort (apart from the peeing outside business). I mean, where else can you stay where you get your own jungle? The best part is that it's in the middle of nowhere. After weeks of paper-thin walls of motels, busy restaurants, and even busier roads - being out in the sticks is so therapeutic.
Last night we went outside to watch the sunset over the mountains, smug in the knowledge we're having a truly once-in-a-lifetime-experience. We commented on how wonderful it was that the nearest Earhship was almost a mile away, savoured the isolation, and admired the sun's descent as the air turned cold and cloaked us in darkness.
Then we realised the f*cking hippy idiots that run the joint didn't forewarn us that our door automatically locks behind us...
I can't adequately describe the suffocating sense of panic that overwhelmed me when I realised we had locked ourselves out. I'm surprised I continued breathing. We tried everything to open the door. Tried picking the lock with a hairpin, finding a different route inside, and Rich even tried brute force to smash it in. Everything was locked inside the place. Our car keys, our phone, our jumpers. And we were alone, without any of it, in the wilderness.
After about fifteen minutes of catastrophic swearing we realised our only option was to go and find help. In the desert. In the dark. The Earthships are part of a 'community', though a very spaced-out community, and lots of people lived here and would be willing to help. Or so we thought.
When we got to our first Earthship we frantically knocked on the door, and were relieved when it opened. The relief was short lived however...
Us: (assumed best English accent) Hi. Sorry to bother you but we're in a bit of a pickle. We're renting that Earthship that you see is a spot on the horizon and we've locked ourselves out. We've walked here and was wondering if you could help us in any way as we're essentially f*cked and about to die.
Man who answered door: We only just arrived here ourselves and don't have the number of anyone who can help you.
Lovely fellow.
We walk to the next couple of Earthships only to discover NOBODY is home. Until we finally get through to another charming gentlemen...
Us: Repeat previous speech
Unhelpful man no. 2: Aww man. I was just about to go to bed. And I've had such a hard day. I really need my sleep.
Us: Well we are sorry to disturb you. But if you could just help us.
Unhelpful man no. 2: Well I can't really help. You need to speak to so-and-so. He might be able to help. He lives over the hill
So we started to walk aimlessly through the mountain desert towards some random person's house that might be able to help. It's dark. It's cold. It's scary. And we're about 7 miles away from a town with no car. But hey. Surely things couldn't get any worse could they? I mean. That would just be impossible? Odds are - nothing else could happen to makes situations less improved. That would just be cruel.
Oh hang on. What's that in the road? Oh yes. I know what that is. IT'S A PSYCHOPATHIC DOG RUNNING TOWARDS US GROWLING AND ABOUT TO KILL US BOTH.
Seriously I understand why people use dogs as weapons now. I have never feared for my life as much as I did when that dog came at us. We did the only thing we could do. We ran away. Were forced to run far far away from the only direction where there might be any chance of help.
I think I can admit, without shame, that this was the point where I started crying. We started making our way back to our Earthship and decided we would have to smash our way in somehow. When suddenly, out in the distance, we saw the angelic beam of two headlights coming in our direction. So we stood in the car's path and waved our arms frantically at the car like we were in the bloody Railway Children or something.
Luckily, the car pulled over and a lady wound down her window. Just as I was about to launch into our apologetic monologue she hushed us with the words...
"I've been driving looking for you. My husband (unhelpful man no.1) told me there were two English people who were locked out and wandering the desert alone and I thought the least I could do would be to offer my help"
Really? You think? Well unlike your moronic husband you're actually a nice kind human being.
So to cut a long story short (which includes at some point her driving us to an Earthship employees house where the employees fully-grown husband was playing Harry Potter outside in the dark and we kept heaing him yell 'Expelliarmus') we FINALLY found someone who knew someone who had a master key and we got back in.
The End.
I'm afraid that took a rather long time to tell didn't it?
So I'll try and squeeze as much none-near-death-related-Taos news in as quickly as possible.
1) Taos is, without a doubt, the nicest place we've been to so far. You should all come here. The views are insane.
2) We have found the world's best diner that serves the most incredible New Mexican food. It's full of tattooed bikers, pierced lesbians, authentic cowboys and wise-looking Native Americans. Had scrambled eggs with green Chile this morning.
3) Taos also has the 2nd highest bridge in the whole of the US - which stretches out over a huge canyon. We ventured out over it on foot yesterday and we were so high my legs did actually turn to jelly from Vertigo. I thought I was being a yellowbelly again, until I looked at Rich (who loves heights) and saw he had turned a delightful green colour and his knees were also buckling.
4) Taos is also home to the largest-existing multi-storyed Pueblo structure in the US. We really got our 'Native American' kick there. The place was just so old and beautiful and sacred and primitive and just...wonderful. However we had to make a sharp exit after we read in the handbook about the river that runs through it and how the people there believe the river is so sacred that nobody and nothing can touch it to contaminate it. They take this very seriously. So, in true, tourist mode, I looked down to take a picture of this amazingly-sacred river that must not be contaminated - and my sunglasses fell off my face into the water.
Oops.
So that's it. I could prattle on about the beauty of the mountains etc for days but feel I have prattled enough.
Tomorrow is gong to be a boring driving one. We're exiting the mountains and beginning our slow descent to Arizona and the Grand Canyon.
Hope you are all well and not getting stranded in deserts and contaminating Holy water with New Look eyewear.
Love and such
Holly xxx
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